Grandma Koehler, a great lady 1874-1973

Years ago I was asked to talk at a youth conference about my experience with the elderly in my home and what I might be able to pass on to them because of it. I’ve lived on both sides of the fence…as a child and then a teenager with grandmothers living with our family, and as a daughter taking care of my mother in her last years. In this blog I will just talk about Grandma Koehler. She was a big part of my life and actually still is because of her influence in my life. I always had a really different idea of what it meant to grow older. I always looked forward to it as a really fun time.. When I was in the 6th grade my Grandma Koehler came to live with us just after my brother died. My grandmother and I didn’t get along at first, but little by little, she became my favorite, and I became hers. I'm going to share with you some things we did together and the rewards that came from it.

When my Grandma first moved in I suddenly had 2 mothers. She wasn’t frail or anything like that – she was powerful and manipulating. She was TOUGH to live with! She caught me doing things she thought were wrong all the time and 'turned me in' to my parents. I felt like I was in trouble all the time. What my parents didn’t see, she did…it was Awful! She was NO fun at all…she was all business. She was about 82 then. As fierce as she seemed, I still liked her and every time I got a chance I would let her know in some way. I noticed her starting to soften. One weekend I had a sleep over with about 15 girls. We decided to do some “prank” calling. GRANDMA helped us! She was so fun! My friends absolutely adored her…After that night, every time they came over they went straight for her. She told funny stories and they loved them. One of the best lessons I learned from my Grandmother, was that smiling made you beautiful. One of her favorite things to say as she got older was, “People tell me I’m beautiful, I tell them, “I know it, I make myself that way by smilin’!” When I was in that accident when I was 13. The one where I went through the windshield and ended up with all those stitches in my face. She made sure that I knew that "no one would notice those scars as long as I was smiling." She convinced me that they absolutely didn’t even show if I was smiling…so I did. When she was about 84 she joined the church and she spent a lot of nights up reading. She was always available to talk if I wanted and we loved the time we spent together. She became my best friend. Older people, (I mean REALLY older) have so much wisdom and vision. She was no exception. She was no ordinary woman for her age. Grandma was able to work in the yard and climb stairs. She could walk completely without any help…in fact, she could out-walk or out-work any one in the family at that time of her life.

I remember her going on trips with us. She would start out in the front seat and when she got tired she would climb over the seat and lay down in the back seat. She would take a nap, then climb back over the seat and go on with the trip all while we were traveling along. She was like one of the kids. I was in total awe of her. In fact, one summer, I decided to have her come and be my roommate at BYU. I lived off campus with 2 other girls and needed another roommate. It seemed logical to have her come. What a summer we had…She was game for anything. There was a friend of mine that was around 26 and wasn’t married yet. We used to tease him about it and towards the end of the regular school year he made a comment that I needed to set him up with one of my roommates sometime. SOOOO…. I told him about this one that was coming for the summer from California. She had been raised on a farm just like him…she was little and petite, with a great sense of humor. He was pretty excited… The time came when we arranged for him to go out with her on a blind date. He got there and said, “Well, where is she?” I assured him that she would be right out - that she was “primping”…A few moments later she opened the door in a wide motion and entered the room enthusiastically with a huge smile! She immediately sized up the situation and looked the guy in the eye and inquired without hesitation, “Are you mah’blind date?” He looked around for a second and said right back, “I guess I am!”…she snapped back, “You’re JUST what I wanted!” He took her arm and started for the door…paused for a reply over his shoulder, and said, “You may think you’ve pulled a trick on me, but she’s just what I’ve been looking for ALL my life!”

He was wonderful to her. He came over a couple of times a week, took her to ice cream, bowling, movies…she’d sit right next to him in his car and everybody loved it. It was clear that he knew how to make the best of things and make her feel important. It could have been a bad experience all the way around, but it turned out so fun for her and everyone. We took her on camping trips with my friends and someone always made sure she had her rocking chair to sit around the campfire at night. It was amazing. With a Grandmother like her, I was never afraid of growing old. Why should I have been? She was a great inspiration to us all and I will always be grateful that she was there for me so much of my life.